I have always said that the biggest SCAM of divorce is marriage therapy.
I have known a genius psychologist for over 10 years now. His branch of psychology is children but he once shared with me that he used to be a marriage therapist. (Note: he told me this about the time my marriage was falling apart) I have such an immense respect for this gentleman and the advice that he had shared with us over the years regarding our children. Every bit of advice he gave us worked!
So that day my heart jumped when he told me this, because if anyone can save my marriage—it’s him! But before I could open my mouth, he said,
“I quit. Almost always, one party has a foot out the door already. “
He is right....again.
Almost 100% of the people who have come to my support group have gone to marriage therapy and none of those marriages survived.
About 98% of the people who come to the support group have been abused by a narcissist. So it stands to reason that the marriage therapist is very educated on the DSM-V regarding narcissism.
You cannot cure narcissism.
So if the narcissist has decided to look for another fuel source or inevitably already has one... meaning they are cheating...How then is the marriage therapist going to talk the narc into just staying with his/her spouse? (Without taking a mob hit out on the Paramore)
I have seen so many people waste so much money on this specific therapy and other outright scams.
I’m going to let Anonymous tell her story right at this spot to bring more clarity to my thoughts here.
I was nine months pregnant with three other children enduring almost daily beatings by my husband when I caught him cheating. Things had always been tough but at this point we were also almost broke. I did not tolerate and survive pure hell just to let another woman take my kid’s father away. As far as life was concerned, I decided that was the LAST straw.
I found this group out of Chicago who convinced me that they could save my marriage. I started talking to them daily employing their strategies. Nothing was working and their advice was not free.
Finally they told me that if I could just get my husband physically to one of their seminars in Chicago from Texas, they could sit down with both of us— that’s all it would take to save my marriage. They could convince him. They GUARANTEED IT!!!
I’m not proud of what I’m about to tell you. Let’s just say that I lied to my husband for the reason we both had to go to Chicago. I said it was a company meeting on our healthcare service provider. What I didn’t think through was the “Come to Jesus” talk we had to have when me and Rick were just 15 minutes away from that marriage-saving meeting. I told him the truth. I had tricked him.
He flat refused to attend. (As I write this, there’s a little bitterness toward that company who HAD to know this was coming but I was too brokenhearted at the time to realize it; shelling out money once again)
Rick left me that day without transportation and went back to the hotel to sit there and wait. Keep in mind at this point that our family income is down to our last thousand dollars. This marriage-saving organization trip/plan had just taken more than $3000 from me.
The beating for that will come later.
I had lost all hope and called my mentor there telling him that I wasn’t coming and my husband had bailed on me. He convinced me that I should still come and that he would meet with me for $800 bucks and teach me this secret that would save my marriage. I went. It didn’t work.
So I had to heal twice. Once from my broken marriage and then twice from feeling so stupid looking back on all the money I’ve lost.
Don’t make the same mistake. Accept life as it is.
This too, shall pass.
Anonymous
There are a number of snake oil marketing gimmicks that specifically target people who have serious control issues.
Number one “how to win her back”. One of the major networks even backs this organization for having one of its speakers on the show all the time talking about relationships. One of their main messages is you cannot give up no matter what your friends and family say.
How convenient.
The advice revolves around constantly hounding the soon-to-be ex to the point where they finally get a restraining order put on you.
Another was a seminar:
WHAT MEN REALLY WANT.
🤦🏻♂️
Oh my God! Which guy?!?!?
The introvert?
The extrovert???
The Narcissist???
Insane.
Not to mention, the great majority of the people in Texas that I have met are Christians that believe in the Christian theory that God has a Perfect Plan for us all.
My point being, how can you force this new relationship if God has decided that it’s not time for it yet? Or your choice in a man IS NOT the right pick?
Save your money.
Let go or be dragged.
Have faith.
By the way… There is a place for marriage therapy but it’s at the beginning of a relationship.
New relationships where 2 people are excited about each other should START with relationship therapy.
It’s too late when employing these practices toward the end of an injured relationship.
In short when there’s a gaping hole in the Titanic, nothings going to stop it from sinking.
Shannon 8/2/2020
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